“I found that there is a lot of emotional needs that aren’t being met,” Bob Stahn, a licensed professional mental health counselor in Idaho Falls said.
He couldn’t find any research about how to meet our emotional needs, so he decided to write a book about it called, “Get Your Needs Met.”
His target audience is those who want to be happier and healthier, particularly college students because they are about to start having families and are at the beginning stages of a marriage relationship.
When a baby cries, it means their needs aren’t being met, Stahn said. The same happens with adults. If people are aware of their needs, they will be more motivated to meet those needs.
There are over 20 different emotional needs that he focuses on in his book such as acceptance, nurture, love and appreciation. He explained that if we want to know what our emotional needs are, we need to be doing “feeling checks” often.
“So just ask yourselves…what am I feeling right now,” he said. And that will help you to better understand yourself so that you have more control in your life, because once you know what you feel then you can do something about it and your control goes up.”
He compares our emotional awareness to an iceberg. About 90% of an iceberg is submerged under water, while only about 10% is exposed above. Most people are aware of about 10-12% of their emotional needs. If people go a long time without their needs met, they become desperate, he explained. This causes people to do things they wouldn’t normally do.
One problem individuals run into is that they expect people to meet their needs for them.
“Probably 90% of our emotional needs is our responsibility to meet, it’s the other 10% what others can do for us,” he said.
Stahn explained that we each have a personal bucket that holds our positive energy. However, every bucket has holes in them. He gives an acronym for H.O.L.E. Harmful outpouring of life’s energy.
“Anytime we are in a situation where it seems like our positive energy is just draining out, then we can recognize that that is a hole for us,” he said.
He gave examples of holes in our life such as the inability to say no to people, being around people who drain us from energy, or not living according to certain principles.
One thing people can do to fill their bucket is to express gratitude. People can learn more about how to fill their bucket through reading his book. People can purchase his book, they can stop by Well Springs Counseling in Idaho Falls, or contact him at 208-557-7500.